Many
things get better with age: You likely become more financially stable,
check goals off your bucket list and get to apply for senior discounts
at movie theaters. Your sex life? It can become a little rocky at times.
Throughout the years, it might become harder — both physically and
mentally — to be as secure in bed as you used to in your 20s and 30s.
But there’s no reason why you can’t have a happy and healthy sex life as
you age. What can you expect in the bedroom as each year's birthday
cake becomes increasingly a fire hazard? Here is what the experts have
to say.
1. Low Libido
Due to a decrease
in the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, your sex drive might
drop as you age. “For aging women, libido decreases when hormones drop
during perimenopause and menopause,” explains Dr. Holly Richmond, Ph.D.,
licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT certified sex
therapist. “There’s an overall malaise or ambiguity — sometimes outright
non-interest — in sex,” she says. And for aging men, anxieties
encountered due to performance troubles might lower libido and lead to a
drop in testosterone, according to a 2015 study published in The Endocrine Society.
To
boost your libido, “eat a healthy, low-inflammatory diet that’s high in
omega-3 fatty acids like salmon, nuts and avocado, get regular cardio
in, do weight-bearing exercise three to four times a week and masturbate
three to four times a week,” she says. Zinc supplementation might also
help, as explained in the Journal of Human Reproductive Sciences.
2. Erectile Dysfunction
As men age,
performance — or lack thereof — might become an issue. “Older men will
most likely notice a change in the strength of their erections and
decrease in libido, but it’s certainly not a given and is different for
every person,” says Richmond. “There is not a physiological problem —
there’s nothing wrong with them — it’s just a matter of aging and
reduced blood flow,” she says. The ease with which one can achieve
erections declines naturally with age, albeit at varying speeds and
based on genetics and overall health and lifestyle choices.
Fortunately,
there are ways to tackle erectile dysfunction.“We may prescribe meds
like sildenafil, which inhibit an enzyme responsible for degrading
nitric oxide gas, which then allows the penile tissue to relax and fill
with blood to create an erection,” says sexologist Dr. Damian Jacob Sendler, M.D., Sc.D., Ph.D. Research shows that these methods can help older men build and maintain an erection, as shown in a 2014 study published in Asian Journal of Andrology.
3. Painful Joints
As you age, stamina naturally decreases and joint pain increases
— and certain conditions, such as arthritis or osteoporosis, can make
the body more fragile. “Being overweight or having arthritis can affect
sexual health, limiting positions and stamina,” explains Richmond.
Joint
and rheumatic problems can be addressed with anti-inflammatory
medications, such as ibuprofen, Sendler says. Keeping your joints limber
through fitness will also enhance your abilities in the bedroom, with a
focus on musculoskeletal, light-intensity training
and proper diet. “One of the easiest exercises to do is to walk a lot,
since it increases our oxygenation level and improves circulation.” (And
research30029-1/fulltext)
shows good circulation leads to an erection too!) You can also try
yoga, barre and stretching, as these types of exercise have been shown
to improve pelvic floor strength, core stability and flexibility, says
Richmond. Working the pelvic floor muscles will increase sexual
function, according to a 2018 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
4. Decreased Penile Sensitivity
With age, men may develop decreased penile sensitivity, says Dr. Robert Glatter, M.D.,
an assistant professor of emergency medicine at Northwell Health and
attending emergency physician at Lenox Hill Hospital. Furthermore, the
penis becomes less rigid in most men by age 60 — and conditions like
diabetes can make sex especially challenging, as explained in Erectile Dysfunction as a Cardiovascular Impairment.
How
can this challenge be overcome? “A more relaxed environment is required
to optimize blood flow and increase sensitivity,” he says, so try to
ease anxieties when feeling under pressure to perform. You can implement
mindfulness through diaphragmatic breathing, which has been shown to
reduce stress, based on a 2017 study in Frontiers in Psychology.
You should also get more in tune with your body to figure out what
works for you. “The number-one thing to do in order to get ready is to
figure out in what situation we get sexually aroused the most. So we
need to know how our body responds to the process of aging and modulate
sexual performance accordingly,” says Sendler. If you know what triggers
your arousal (a position, a visual or a phrase), play those up.
5. Greater Stress
As you age,
stressful life events will likely creep up. Whether they’re
health-related, familial or financial, these challenges will further
exacerbate the stress you might be feeling within the bedroom. The
mental strain might not only lower libido, but could also make sexual
performance physically unattainable. Arousal can become more difficult,
and it might take longer for lubrication, says Glatter. And if sex seems
painful, whether from joint pain or dryness, he says, that anticipation
of discomfort during sex will worsen the anxiety.
In fact, a recent study
at North Carolina State University found that older people have more
difficulty reducing the impact of stressful situations than they did in
their youth. When it comes to something as personal as sex, it can be
even harder. One way to move forward is to communicate with your
partner, work together and reassure each other that lack of sexual
function is treatable and nothing to be embarrassed about, says
Richmond. Also try mindfulness-based practices like sensate focus,
which take the focus off performance and puts it on pleasure, she says.
“I pull from tantric exercises and also use grounding practices to keep
the client in the moment, in his body and not in his head,” she
explains.
6. Lower Levels of Testosterone
As you age,
testosterone levels drop, which can affect both physical and
psychological aspects of sexuality. “Decreased testosterone levels
affect performance, libido and physical characteristics like dryness,
erectile dysfunction and even joint pain,” says Dr. Jennifer Landa,
M.D., a gynecologist and chief medical officer at BodyLogicMD.
And it’s not only men who suffer from less testosterone. “Decreased
testosterone with aging affects every facet of sexuality, including
performance in both men and women,” she says. It can lead to something
called “male menopause,” as explained in The Aging Male.
Men, generally over 50, might experience thinning hair and difficulties
getting erections as well as depression and high anxiety, says
sexologist Sendler.
What
could help? “The little blue pill, Viagra, and other medications like
Levitra and Cialis are in a class called PDE-5 inhibitors. These little
miracle cures not only temporarily increase blood flow to the penis,
they also improve the health of the endothelium and are actually helping
to heal blood vessels that are impaired in erectile dysfunction,” says
Landa. And women can benefit from these medications as well. “I’m a huge
fan of these medications, even for women. Women will also experience
decreased blood flow due to endothelial dysfunction as they age, and
that can affect their sexual function in terms of engorgement and lubrication,” she says.
7. Dryness
As they age,
women can encounter dryness. Because of a dip in estrogen, it becomes
harder to get lubricated and have sex without friction or discomfort,
explains Sendler. “Due to that, sex may become irritable, [and] even
cause inflammation and abrasions,” he says.
What
to do? “Women can take estrogen supplements or use topical creams,
though these may carry other risks like increased chance of heart
problems due to increased stimulation of hormonal receptors,” he says.
Always be sure to get a doctor’s approval before trying out a new
product. A safe and effective option is lube. “I always recommend
water-based because they maintain an alkaline environment, causing less
irritation, and these lubes also create less heat during rubbing,” says
Sendler. And while oil-based lubes do ensure more lubrication, as oil is
naturally slippery, “the problem with these [oil-based] lubes is that
they tend to smell, might damage our clothes and are more difficult to
clean up,” he says.
8. Incontinence
Another thing you
might notice as you age is leakage spills. While these are perfectly
normal and no reason to be ashamed, they can kill the mood if they
happen during bedroom time. Both sexes can experience this, but for
women it often happens as a result of childbirth and the onset of muscular weakness
that comes with age, says Sendler. “With age, our muscles of the pelvic
floor get fatigued. This is why elderly men and women tend to run when
they need to use the restroom,” he explains.
One
way you can strengthen those pelvic floor muscles is through Kegel
exercises, he says. “There are also medications that improve continence,
but these have other side effects like eye dryness,” he adds, so you’ll
want to discuss your safest approach first with your primary physician.
There's
no way of sugarcoating it — as you age, multiple factors are bound to
make sex more challenging. The good news is, every roadblock comes with a
solution. Now go out and enjoy your partner's company, stress-free!
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